Charlotte's Lot

Not in the mood

Hi Charlotte,
My day’s been fine thanks. I had a lovely walk with an old friend and did some tai -chi in the park. I love beautiful blustery autumn days like this.

There are always going to be ups and downs in your relationships, particularly with sex. I doubt it’s serious. Remember, your husband might just not be in the mood, try giving him some space, this usually works wonders for me.

As for regret, try not to waste your time with it; If you genuinely regret not going away for a weekend, just make the decision to go another time, or work out what it is you regret. If you regret not going because you are angry with your husband consider discussing it with him openly.

Men are fickle.

September 19th

“In general, men are ungrateful and fickle, dissemblers, avoiders of danger and greedy of gain.”
— Niccolo Machiavelli, Florentine dramatist, political analyst and adviser (1469-1527)

What am I like? One minute I’m saying everything smells of roses, the next that things are altogether horrid.

Doug has been extremely cold towards me for the past few days. There have been no terms of affection; he hasn’t called me Bumble Puff or Angel Bum for seven days. He’s not slapped by bottom in about a month either, which Is something I pretend to hate but now desperately miss. It has crossed my mind in the last day or so that he doesn’t fancy me anymore; Men can be very fickle.

Yesterday night I spent a good hour and a half, making dinner for him. I asked him how work was but he wasn’t prepared to discuss work. I then asked him if he could be home in time for my mum to come to dinner next Friday and he couldn’t’ give me a definitive answer on that or discuss what he may or may not be doing that far ahead. When I attempted and failed to get him interested in a variety of topics I went into the lounge to plump the pillows and have a little tidy up. Although I was sad, I tried not to let it show. However, Douglas demanded to know what my problem was and why I was intent on having an argument. I didn't want to have an aruguement at all Doctor B, not in any shape or form. What I wanted was to feel close to him, and have sex with him all night long. The last thing I wanted was to watch television in my bedroom and fall asleep on my own- which is what I did.

I found myself regretting my decision not to go and stay with T for a weekend. I got an email back from him, along the lines of it being a great shame my going to Germany and suggesting I send a photo of myself for him to paint from. I think I will and I don’t care if he is a pervert.

Hope your having a better day than me
Charlotte.

reap what ye shall sew

Charlotte,

I do not require you to experience upheaval for my benefit.
On the contrary, it would give me great pleasure for you to enjoy each breath of this precious life. I’m a healer first and foremost.

Please try and forget about what you think my agenda is-tell me what ever it is you want to tell me. Truthfully Charlotte, my agenda and my topic of research has already changed since we began this dialogue, so relax, and in the famous words of Bill Hicks ‘Enjoy the Ride’.

All our problems are by and large self-manufactured. I believe that we all have the power to change our lives by making tiny habitual changes to our behaviour, which in time will cause our whole perspective to shift.

Glad you found the five -year -plan beneficial. Interesting isn’t it, to see how the small seemingly meaningless choices you make today, shape your destiny.
Hope it was useful
Doctor Bedford

Making whoopee

September 16th

Dear Doctor B,
When I said I didn’t mind sharing personal things with you I meant it! Regardless of whether that would entail delving deeply into a dream or opening up about a sexual fantasy. …..

What would be the point in receiving counseling from you if I wasn’t prepared to discuss anything juicy? I don’t mind telling you things as long as you’re prepared Doctor Bedford for the occasional frippery or even, lest I say- banality? You see- whilst I often feel myself to be the heroine of a drama-a very quiet drama, I’m aware that you may be wanting a little more upheaval.

Of course, this could just be my guilt talking. I’ve just been watching a programme about a family living after a tsunami. This poor family of ten have been forced to live together in a one room tent. Their supper consisted of a single rat split between them all. I tried to imagine Douglas, mum, Aunty Beryl, the Captain and Doug’s mum all sharing a tent between us and having a rat for dinner but I’m afraid I just couldn’t imagine. I don’t think I would ever eat a rat Doctor Bedford, or live in a tent. Infact if I’m totally honest, I wouldn’t even sleep in a tent- not even for a night.

I wrote down what I’d like to be doing in five years Doctor Bedford. In five years, I’d like to have two children but with different wall -paper in the lounge.

In one years time I would like to have a baby number one. I would like to have a girl and call her Diana, after the Princess who was truly the most beautiful woman there has ever been. I would also like a pink cashmere sweater as the original one I had from a holiday in Monaco has got bobbles on the right sleeve.

In two weeks time, I think I would like to do something charitable, perhaps something for that family in the tent I mentioned. Of course it doesn’t have to be them exactly, it could be British people that have been forced to live in caravans for similar reasons.

I enjoyed that exercise Doctor B; what was doing it supposed to feel? It made me think. It made me realise that if I wanted to have a baby by next year, Douglas and I better start making whoopee, as the Gus Kahn song goes.

The five year life plan

Abraham Lincoln:
"The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time".

Hi Charlotte, sorry about your mum. It's never my intention to make people choke, especially if it's calliflower cheese which apart from being one of my favourites is can full of Calcium

If you and Doug two are both getting what you need from the dynamics in your relationship than there is no problem at all-it doesn’t matter how outmoded the roles may seem to others on the outside. However, Charlotte, you wrote to me originally with a dilemma and the dilemma hasn't changed at all.

Twenty-six is still young - I got the impression you were a bit older- but it’s only natural that you will want different things from when you did when you were twenty or from when you were fifteen or even a couple of years ago. Who knows, sometimes what you want can change in two weeks! It’s inevitable that conflicts will arise for you personally and in your relationship.
It seems to me that you are questioning a few things now and that can only be a good thing.

I've got a little experiment for you to do. I’d like to write what you would like to be doing in five year’s time. Once you have done that, write what you would like to be doing in one year’s time, and finally what you would like to be doing in one week’s time. Really think about it before you write the answers down and only tell me if you want.

Doctor Bedford

Goat's cheese salad

September 15th

Doctor B it is then, I like the way you have shortened my husband’s name to Doug; it sounds more friendly and personal somehow.

I think the real reason why I didn’t tell T the whole truth about me is because in a way I feel that the things I may tell him, explain me better than the truth. If I told him I wasn’t going to go to Scotland to stay with him for a weekend because my husband said, ‘no’, on account of it being too far, then I should not feel as though I was giving him the true picture of what I’m about. I have so many thoughts and feelings going on in my head and they are not all about what dessert best goes with goat’s cheese salad, that saying I’m not allowed to go would not have represented things at all. I don’t expect that to make any sense, and I have been taught that the truth does not come in many different colours, so maybe I am just trying to justify the fact that I’m lying. What I do know is sometimes when I talk to T, or similarly I suppose, as to when I write things down in an email to someone, there seems so much more truth there than I think you can gather from what I actually do with my life.
As for going to Germany-I am going there with Douglas in about a month to see Douglas’s parents who have been living out there for two years now. Douglas’s Dad who we call the Captain on account of his military background, is going to be sixty, and his mum is putting on a party. It’s also going to be tying in with my 26th so going to Germany, another place I’ve never been before is going to be a bit of a treat for me too.

I tried to get my mum to read your paragraph on the healing poweres of sex but she got quite upset and nearly choked on her calliflower cheese; poor mum hasn't had it since my dad went off for that pot noodle.

Yes perhaps there isn’t always equal discussion between Douglas and me, but I suppose that is because he is older, cleverer, and more experienced than I am. Douglas will be thirty-six, in four months. He is also is the one who works very hard all day long, so the two of us can have the nicest possible standard of living. So, when I do (we do) eventually have children it’s nice to think that unlike Sara or my old school friend Nicola or my mum for that matter, I won’t have to worry about money. I won’t have to worry because all the time Douglas will have been beavering away earning it all the time.

I think I’m lucky really, to have a man that likes a woman to be a woman and doesn’t mind taking care of me. Douglas’s has lost contact with all his old friends because of splits in marriages caused by the women in the partnerships getting increasingly demanding jobs to the detriment of the marriage. Just goes to show that it doesn’t pay to be to clever. The heart must come first. Don’t you think Doctor Bedford? Love Charlotte.

Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.

Hi Charlotte,

Yes call me Doctor B if you like - whatever is comfortable.

What made you tell your friend T that you were going of to Germany, I wonder, why not the truth. How is staying in Dorking nearly going off to Germany for the weekend?

Agreeing to something out of fear will be damaging to your self-esteem in the long run. The lack of equality in the decision making process seems to be the common theme in the relationship you have with your husband. It seems like somewhere along the line you have made the decision to give Doug all the power-Is this a status quo you wish to maintain? If not how could you see yourself changing it? Glad you’re finding the book intriguing.   

Doctor B.

American Style Pancakes

"There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way"

September 14^th

Dear Doctor Bedford,

Could I call you Doctor B, it seems So much friendlier?

You are right about happiness passing-I woke up this morning to find exactly that. The happiness slipped away and in its place were breakfast plates to wash. I don’t know why I bother getting up to make breakfast if I’m just going to get a miserable grey face. I kept saying ‘What’s wrong Honey’ to Douglas

and ‘Do you want some more pancakes’? But I couldn’t get a single ‘Yes please, Sugar bum’ or ‘this is lovely Bumble puff’ from him. In the end Missy was the only one who really enjoyed it. She managed to spill the pancake batter onto the floor and stick her lovely little white face into it. Miss Saigon is off, apparently his clients have cancelled coming to the UK this weekend and there is no point our going again without them. I wish I hadn’t told T that I’m going away to Germany this weekend, which is only a bit of a lie.

Perhaps our ‘anal sex’ arrangement does seem a bit odd. In my mind it just seemed at the time like a bit of a compromise, which is what I understand marriage to be all about. If Douglas had his way it would be every other day so getting away with doing it twice a year seemed like an excellent resolution. I don’t want Douglas going off altogether.

yours glummly,

I must say I'm finding what you say about sexual healing quite intriguing.

Charlotte Lott

The way to healing and the other way

"We see people and things not as they are, but as we are". Anthony de mello

Hi Charlotte,
No being delightfully happy is not a problem-it is a very pleasant series of moments, which you should enjoy. Treasure the happy moments but be prepared for life’s ebbs and flows. Happiness like sadness will eventually pass; other than death it’s the only guarantee you have in this life time.

Thanks for the offer of a photo, honestly, I don’t have any need for it, in some ways I prefer not knowing what you look like. As for your having a picture of me, why is it important to you? Not that what I look like is kept as any great secret. I know my photo is on some copies on the front of my first book ‘The way to healing and the Other Way’ -see if you can dig up a copy of one of those- I believe it’s still in print.
Enjoy your happiness. Keep the KY Handy.
Doctor Bedford.

Being your Being

September 13th

Hello, That’s alright, I forgive you for being ‘squiffy’, it’s quite nice to have someone whose written two books be squiffy with me; it makes me feel important. I went out to the village to buy your book, ‘Being Your Being’ today and have read two pages, which, I thought, were both thoroughly excellent. I was hoping that the book would have a picture of you on it but I couldn’t seem to find one, unfortunately. Would you like a picture of me Doctor Bedford, if you do I could get Sara to send you one as she knows how to take digital pictures and download them. Perhaps, it would help you to heal me if you knew what I looked like. I think I’d definitely like to know what you looked like. I’m going to go off now and buy some scones and cream so I can treat my mum to a proper cream tea when she comes round. I don’t have any problems at all today; I’m afraid, Doctor Bedford, unless being delightfully happy is a problem.

Ps I will think about the anal sex question later, when I’m not in such a good mood.

Charlotte