Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love. ~Woody Allen
9th October
Hello Doctor Bedford,
What a cold thing to do Doctor Bedford, I suppose she must have been quite an awful sort of girl. How did she react?
I took your advice and have been trying to focus my attentions elsewhere. Things are not the same without a cat in the house and I have found myself talking to Rob the mini cactus plant Douglas brought home from Arizona.
Douglas and I made love last night. I say making love- in actual fact it was more like something you would see in a cheap pornographic film. I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy it, because I did. Douglas and I have always had sex in much the same way so it was quite exciting to find myself in bed with what felt like a stranger. Perhaps there is a small part of me that took pleasure in the idea that Douglas may have been to bed with another woman, but it’s a very small part Doctor Bedford and it certainly isn’t the real part that’s writing you this email.
I think I was partly excited because Douglas wasn’t wearing a little hoody on his his little man. I thought he was either feeling so passionate that he couldn’t contain himself or that he wanted a baby. it wasn’t a baby that was on his mind Doctor Bedford, that was quite apparent when he pulled out rather suddenly and came all over my face. That’s when I got rather cross; I don’t mind a little love juice on my tum, but he got some in my eye and it stung terribly.
You say that I should listen to my instincts. Well Doctor Bedford my instincts are tell me, something is awry: First there’s the Ipswich scenario, now the spunk in my eye.
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