Charlotte's Lot

chant and rub your kidneys

Hi Charlotte,
Yes, I did notice some extra time last week and did notice your absence. You sound much happier. There is always enough time in the day to chant and rub your kidneys. You do seem to have a delightful way of reducing something huge to something tiny and something tiny to something huge- quite a talent. Enjoy your time away.
Doctor Bedford

The delicate question of tea

"My dear, if you could give me a cup of tea to clear my muddle of a head I should better understand your affairs." -Charles Dickens

11th October

Hello Doctor Bedford,

Douglas and I had breakfast together this morning and as he seemed so cheerful I thought I’d pop the question. I said, ‘Darling can we have a baby? He said yes, after Christmas, once he has had his annual review at work and hopefully promotion.

I was feeling rather jolly until I bumped into Sylvia (my neigbour from across the road) Sylvia does counselling for the Samaritans and some how you find yourself talking without meaning to. She’s that kind of person, just gets it out of you with a, ‘Hello how are you this morning’? I told her about the Ipswich Plaza and before I got a chance to tell her about our plan to have a baby she said ‘Leave Douglas’- just like that. Her directness took me by surprise. I thought that perhaps she was going to add something to soften it but she didn’t, instead she rushed off down the road after her dog, Poppet.

Yours truly,
Charlotte Lott.

Ps. I was thinking Doctor B, do you think maybe we could meet up for tea or something? Maybe you could give me a little hands’ on healing like the stuff Sara says you wrote about in your book, ‘Being your Being’.

Not in the mood

Hi Charlotte,
My day’s been fine thanks. I had a lovely walk with an old friend and did some tai -chi in the park. I love beautiful blustery autumn days like this.

There are always going to be ups and downs in your relationships, particularly with sex. I doubt it’s serious. Remember, your husband might just not be in the mood, try giving him some space, this usually works wonders for me.

As for regret, try not to waste your time with it; If you genuinely regret not going away for a weekend, just make the decision to go another time, or work out what it is you regret. If you regret not going because you are angry with your husband consider discussing it with him openly.

An arrangement

Hi Charlotte,
Perhaps it’s right that you just email me with what ever you want to say-it’s not really fair to impose boundaries on you at this point. What I will ask though is if you could just be aware that in addition to you and the other people who I will be in dialogue with- on a practically daily basis – there is still an additional the one or two hundred people that frequently email me with questions or problems. If I can get to the source of your problem quicker-it’s easier for me and frees up time for others that’s all. Sorry, if I’m being a bit squiffy about it.

The anal sex arrangement sounds decidedly odd to me-If you don’t like it, you don’t like it-your rectal passage is not something you just offer as a birthday and Independence day gift is it, surely?

Doctor Bedford

A toast to American Independence

September 11th

Hi Doctor Bedford,

I hadn’t really thought about Douglas’s and my relationship in those terms until last week-and that’s why I did get a bit cross. I do think we negotiate on some things though, like decorating the bedroom or going to the cinema or shopping for food, and I always choose what to make for dinner unless of course Douglas has business colleagues over which is a different state of affairs again.

I totally agree with your comments about anal sex. It’s not an obligation on my part. In fact I know that God agrees with me and doesn’t like it either. I also agree that it’s not something I should feel compelled to run from. So Doctor Bedford, last night in bed I said ‘Douglas dear, I don’t like you know what’. He pretended not to know what I was talking about at first, but with the help of a few mimes and gestures in the general direction could not remain in the dark as to what was on my mind.

There has been some resolution on that at least. We have agreed that we will just do it twice a year: once on Douglas’s birthday, and once on July the 4th to celebrate American independence. Although Douglas has never really lived in America, because he was born in Texas he has an American passport and consequently likes to punctuate the date by way of something meaningful.

There you go-I think that’s probably not more than two paragraphs, although I must say I’m going to find it hard to tell you what my problems are without giving you the background. sometimes Doctor Bedford, I don’t even know what the problems are myself.

Yours gratefully, Charlotte.

Anal sex and Patchwork

9th September

Dear Doctor Bedford,
I hope you don’t mind that I have told Sara that you and I are emailing each other. I think she was a bit gob-smacked. Sara is the one that told me about you in the first place and has been to one of your super power seminars in Clapton which, she said was the first stepping-stone to her transforming her life. I think Sara is surprised I managed to grab your interest with what I’m sure she considers to be my petty problems. Sara has overcome some very big personal problems and expects everyone to deal as casually about difficulties as her. Anyway, I know you have said that you will only be counselling via the internet but I would love to come to one of your talks sometime, and see you in the flesh. Do you ever come and do your seminars in Dorking. Dorking is a wonderful little place: the poet Browning is bueried in the cemetry here you know.

Anyway, back to the plan. I waited until what looked like a full moon, I wouldn’t have a clue whether it was in Pisces or not as I don’t know anything at all about astronomy; I know the sun, moon and the stars but that’s about it I’m afraid. I was going to get my mum to come over with her telescope, so maybe she could see, but realised that
A) I would have to explain why I wanted to know what I wanted to know and
B) My mum would stay round for dinner and insist on chopping lots of fresh vegetables to eat.

I put the idea of Dundee in one hand and the idea of Dorking in the other but they both felt as light as each other, or as heavy if you want to be pessimistic. I went to bed; I thought to sleep on it where upon I had the strangest dream. In my dream I went to live in Stoke on Trent, which I knew was supposed to be Dundee. I hated it and wanted to go home because T spent the whole time trying to convert me to Judaism. Then I was sent off to polish the moon dressed in stockings and heels. Douglas arrived on the moon and knocked on the door, wearing my mum’s favourite beret and apron and said I must come home, as I had to do patch work class on Sunday, as it was good for me.

I have read recently that dreams can help direct us. What do you think of that? It makes sense that as the penny test didn’t work, my dreams stepped in to show me the way, but confused me even more by accident. I do feel that the patchwork class on a Sunday, is about my feelings towards anal sex, which Douglas likes but I feel revolted by. I don’t know why I think this, I just do. What do you think of dreams telling people what to do? Do you think my dream is telling me which way to go and if it is- which way do you think it is telling me?

yours with the utmost respect,
Charlotte.

Exalted to Immorality

Hey, Charlotte
Whether you let your friend know that your married depends entirely on what you want. I would suggest you tell T if you want him to know you are married, but don’t tell him if you don’t want him to know. Just be aware, which, ever course you take will have a different set of consequences some of which are in your control others which most certainly are.

I think you meant ‘exalted to immortality’ by the way, not ‘immorality’ -a fetching malapropism though. Don’t worry about your pert breasts comment, I’m not the most orthodox healer-I liked it-It works for me.

Doctor Bedford.