Charlotte's Lot

New sexul technique

Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right. -Woody Allen

Hello Charlotte,
Pushing existing sexual boundaries or changing ways of expressing yourself can often lead one or both partners to experience discomfort or embarrassment-many people opt to stay in a tired comfort zone rather than risk disturbing the status-quo. The fact that you enjoyed your husband’s change of approach shows that you are open to the idea of experimenting, but understandably need the love and support of your husband to take away any feelings of unease, which the change engenders.

Introducing new sexual technique does not necessarily herald an affair- admittedly it can be a sign. The real problem here lies in the lack of communication prior, during or following the event.

As for splitting with a girlfriend in the pub, I wouldn’t recommend it; she screamed piercingly and had an epileptic fit on the floor.

The five year life plan

Abraham Lincoln:
"The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time".

Hi Charlotte, sorry about your mum. It's never my intention to make people choke, especially if it's calliflower cheese which apart from being one of my favourites is can full of Calcium

If you and Doug two are both getting what you need from the dynamics in your relationship than there is no problem at all-it doesn’t matter how outmoded the roles may seem to others on the outside. However, Charlotte, you wrote to me originally with a dilemma and the dilemma hasn't changed at all.

Twenty-six is still young - I got the impression you were a bit older- but it’s only natural that you will want different things from when you did when you were twenty or from when you were fifteen or even a couple of years ago. Who knows, sometimes what you want can change in two weeks! It’s inevitable that conflicts will arise for you personally and in your relationship.
It seems to me that you are questioning a few things now and that can only be a good thing.

I've got a little experiment for you to do. I’d like to write what you would like to be doing in five year’s time. Once you have done that, write what you would like to be doing in one year’s time, and finally what you would like to be doing in one week’s time. Really think about it before you write the answers down and only tell me if you want.

Doctor Bedford

Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.

Hi Charlotte,

Yes call me Doctor B if you like - whatever is comfortable.

What made you tell your friend T that you were going of to Germany, I wonder, why not the truth. How is staying in Dorking nearly going off to Germany for the weekend?

Agreeing to something out of fear will be damaging to your self-esteem in the long run. The lack of equality in the decision making process seems to be the common theme in the relationship you have with your husband. It seems like somewhere along the line you have made the decision to give Doug all the power-Is this a status quo you wish to maintain? If not how could you see yourself changing it? Glad you’re finding the book intriguing.   

Doctor B.

Being your Being

September 13th

Hello, That’s alright, I forgive you for being ‘squiffy’, it’s quite nice to have someone whose written two books be squiffy with me; it makes me feel important. I went out to the village to buy your book, ‘Being Your Being’ today and have read two pages, which, I thought, were both thoroughly excellent. I was hoping that the book would have a picture of you on it but I couldn’t seem to find one, unfortunately. Would you like a picture of me Doctor Bedford, if you do I could get Sara to send you one as she knows how to take digital pictures and download them. Perhaps, it would help you to heal me if you knew what I looked like. I think I’d definitely like to know what you looked like. I’m going to go off now and buy some scones and cream so I can treat my mum to a proper cream tea when she comes round. I don’t have any problems at all today; I’m afraid, Doctor Bedford, unless being delightfully happy is a problem.

Ps I will think about the anal sex question later, when I’m not in such a good mood.

Charlotte

The healer smells a rat

11th September

Doctor Bedford

Hi Charlotte, I’d be lying if I said I’m not dubious about your appraisal of the situation-if indeed all your problems have been sorted so easily of course I’ll be delighted for you but somehow I suspect you maybe in denial. I wouldn’t want you to think I’m being negative about your situation and goodness knows it would be far easier for me to say, ‘wonderful-on your bike’, but the healer in me smells a rat. –Your problems don’t have to be of a huge or dramatic nature to warrant you as a worthy and deserving course, which of course you are. Besides, at a risk of sounding callous I’m beginning to find your unfolding story arresting to say the least .

As for the psychic ability-there was no sixth sense at work with the comment about your father having died. I just happened to use that as an example of a situation that would greatly heighten the emotions and leave you sensitive to certain emotional imprints. I could have used another example just as easily. Hope that didn’t set you back at all.

The reason why I doubt that everything is sorted for you is because it doesn’t seem like any real discussion went on between you and your husband regarding your trip to Dundee. Are you really happy for him to make your decision for you-is that not more fitting for a parent- child relationship than two adults? Surely a marriage should be based on two adults negotiating an equal relationship? Is this not an inequality that effects your sex life detrimentally-is this not why you would rather go to Dundee than admit you don’t like anal sex.

Glad to hear you’re a hundred percent genuine and whilst I must confess to finding your emails fascinating-would like to point out that in order for me to help you most effectively I could do with you editing them a little. Basically, could you try and keep the emails to a paragraph or two-short and often works better for me rather than long. Even though I have asked for daily or frequent correspondence from you - I’m still trying to help the other one or two hundred people that write into me each day for healing or advice. So it would make my life a bit easier if you could flesh out the need to know from the don’t need to know, a bit-what do you think?

Dream Theory

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering
- and it's all over much too soon. Woody Allen 9TH September

Hi Charlotte,
I know we have made an agreement to talk through some of your dilemmas but sometimes I get the feeling, on account of the slightly absurdist quality to your narrative that this is all a bit of a wind up. If it is I sincerely congratulate you on sucking me in-it is indeed a good one. If not, please accept my humble apologies and this sincere response to your question/s

It doesn’t surprise me at all that you had such a deep dream, which you are also able to recall during a time when the moon is not only full, but in Pisces. Without going too far into the finer points of astrology (which is by no means my religion) this was precisely the reason why I suggested holding out for it.

Both Freud and Jung dedicated much of their work to the study of dreams- both also demonstrated the various uses, visions, and codes which are hidden within the dreams ready to be deciphered intuitively by the dreamer and hopefully used as a guide through some of life’s tricky turns. Whilst I have studied dreams myself, in conjunction with other forms of healing, I’d be very wary in describing myself as an expert in this field and would be inclined to take the view, that the dreamer is always the best person to decipher his/her own code.

No, I’m not just being lazy. You could go to WH Smiths tomorrow, and pick out a book of dreams that would tell you that a beret signifies France, but that to me, is an over simplification. Surely it depends entirely on what a beret evokes for the dreamer? Perhaps your mum always wore a beret on a Saturday when you went for a walk together, or maybe she put it on when she was going to beat you. Or perhaps, she wore it just after your father died? In this context a beret is unlikely to signify France. What you personally associate with the beret will hold part of the answer to the puzzle.

I will say that on a superficial level your dream suggests that you feel caught in a power struggle-a power struggle relating to self-identity. You have suggested to me that you feel a little trapped, and perhaps the conflict you are having over going to Dundee with T or staying in Dorking with your husband represents something far deeper than you have fully appreciated. Interesting that the three main figures are your mother, husband and potential lover? What does this potential lover represent to you?

I sense Charlotte that you spend far too much time thinking and not enough time in your body. Do you do any physical exercise? Furthermore, Why do you feel the need to run away from anal sex? Is this a big issue for you-it’s not everyone’s cup of tea you know-if you don’t like it, don’t have it, it’s not an obligation and certainly not a reason to escape to Dundee.

As for coming along to view me in the flesh-you would of course be most welcome-though, couched in those terms, you read as a little predatory. All the same, I will let you know when I’m next ‘playing’ Dorking. As far as I know, there are no scheduled dates for now.

Hope you have found this helpful in some way
Doctor Bedford.